Jumping from 5 to 6?

Where do I begin with this post?

So much has happened in my life since Derek died in 2017. I have since had 2 more babies! Covid. Moved. My parents’ health. Relationships with ups & downs. My own health. My kids are growing up (big kids big problems kind of thing). It’s quite amazing how busy life has been! I still can’t quite figure out why God let Derek die in the middle of the craziest times of my life when I was having babies. But I’ll tell ya, tonight I held my baby girl close and gave her a kiss on the head thanking God for her as a gift to our family. The pure joy that illuminates from her tiny face gives me hope in the day-to-day.

Because I’ve been feeling very sad and down. It’s always around this time of year too. I kept thinking it’s coming up on 7 years since Derek died. It’s only going to be 6. Like how did I mistake the timing???? Baby brain? Or just the now obvious gap in time since we’ve seen him alive?

It’s not that I’m not keeping track. It’s just that the years fly by with little kids! My brain doesn’t really “go there” too often because I don’t have time to allow it anymore.

Have you ever taken time to reflect on your day at the end of the day? I rarely do it but when I can, I’m really able to focus on the things that I’m grateful for that happened to me. And it gives me hope. When I have hope, I feel lighter, happier, and I’m better able to cope with life’s curveballs. When I don’t do this, well, I feel the worst possible feelings and it lingers. And repressing my trauma from Derek’s tragic death doesn’t help in the mix.