Nothing else matters.

It’s kinda funny to title my post a Metallica song, but it’s so true.

I’m not saying my life and my family & friends don’t matter, but certainly many other things just DO NOT matter to me the way they once did.

When you lose someone so quickly, so unexpectedly, so tragically, it changes EVERYTHING. Everything I think, do and say.

I think about my brother everyday, and I think about life’s purpose all the time. Maybe too much. It’s become this new obsession because I understand now just how fleeting life is. People are literally here one day, gone the next. This same realization has hit more people this past year with the pandemic and all of the sudden deaths.

Derek’s death made me realize how much I don’t care about what I used to care about. Instead of going through the list of things I used to care about, I’ll outline what I now care most about.

God: God is the real deal. I know this for a fact because I had a truly profound experience with the Holy Spirit the night before Derek died. It was when I was visiting him at the hospital. I didn’t even realize it was the Holy Spirit until afterwards. I could write on and on about this. But this is what matters MOST. God is what gets me through. If I didn’t have God, I’d be a total wreck. Not saying I’m good, but I would definitely be WORSE. I haven’t lost touch with God in the 3+ years since Derek died, which is another story that I could go on and on about, but this is timed so perfectly (because it’s God!) that I’m so grateful I didn’t feel a disconnect as so many people do when they lose someone tragically. I thank God for that too.

Family: 100% family time together, making memories and building relationships that are based on love, support, genuine care and compassion.

My kids: I honestly try so hard not to commiserate about my kids. You know the cliche things people say about their kids. It’s so hard but I want to appreciate them more than complain about them because you just never know when it could all just end.

My husband: another person I try not to commiserate with others about. What the heck is the point of that anyway? If you need some help with your relationship, get the help, don’t complain about the person. Do something to make it better. Marriage and family are under attack more than ever right now, so it’s up to us to keep it going. Not to give up when it gets hard. No one said it would be easy!

Not the luxuries: I couldn’t be more repulsed by the luxuries I used to pine for. It just doesn’t appeal to me anymore. I’m so happy about this one because I see how so many people just get things and waste a lot of money. And it truly doesn’t fill any void.