Closure.

Today, my daughter didn’t end up having school. It was a day off for Easter. We went to school and one other lady thought there was school today. So we laughed about it together and parted ways. Since we haven’t done much in the last year due to the pandemic, I figured we’d go on an adventure. I asked my mom to come along.

So we went downtown. I haven’t been downtown in months due to the pandemic and major riots/looting that happened this past summer. I avoided it mainly because the city was Derek’s place to be. And going there reminds me of him.

After we stopped at a store for the girls, I suggested we drive past his condo that he sold only weeks prior to his death. It was a nice place where he lived, close to the lake with surrounding restaurants and shops. Lill & Halsted. I visited him there pretty often, and my good friend Kate reminded me that Derek would move his car when I’d head to the city so I could park in his spot. He was so nice about helping me out, with no complaints or strings attached. His place was perfect for him and he was in his element, amongst the people, living life to the fullest.

It felt cold pulling up to his building. I guess I never knew how plain it was on the outside. I tried to get my huge van in his tiny parking spot in the tiniest parking lot, to no avail. I ended up parking in front and we just looked at the entrance, almost hoping I’d see him walk out the front door. It’s quite unbelievable that this is our life now. My mom and I were crying together talking about how much he loved being there. And how she could picture him running down the street because that’s just what he did.

I felt a little bad that I kinda sprung it on her that we’d be passing his place. I knew I needed that closure but then I wondered if she did?

This was the closure I was looking for. I needed to do this for my healing. Maybe my mom doesn’t need this for hers. Our journeys are different, as are all of ours. But I’m so glad I finally got there, 3+ years later.