Hitting year 3 on November 13, 2020 was almost harder than hitting the first year. Not quite as emotional, I didn’t cry as much, but I just felt that loss in a heavy way all over again.
Maybe it was intensified due to the pandemic. Or due to the fact that time has slowed down (in a way) due to the pandemic. I’m not doing as much with others so I’m thinking about Derek more. I mean, I had an infant and a newborn during my grieving process, so I’m sure hormones have a lot to do with my emotions too. It’s been a whirlwind to say the very least.
But the 3 year mark is tough because the shock has worn off and it’s hard to believe this is REAL LIFE. Wouldn’t it be nice to live in denial for the rest of our lives? Totally. But does that allow for healing? Nope.
I don’t get to do a lot of reading because my days are busy with school and naps and meals and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and then a little bit of cleaning.
There is one book I’d love to read and it’s about healing. I need healing in the worst way right now. I have been MAD, MAD, MAD lately. Because I’m sad. I’m masking my sadness with madness. Mad about just about anything and everything. I have been pretty hard to deal with. Tough. After all, I’m a south sider. We’re just tough. But I know this stems from my grief. And I see how it impacts my family, my poor kids, my poor husband! It’s an emotion that doesn’t just go away because grief doesn’t go away, but I’m finally understanding how it can be managed.
If I can’t read, at least I can journal, and that’s a huge step in dealing with grief. I’ve bottled up my emotions for too long. Now it’s time to let it out. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll help someone else. That’s why I’m putting it all out there on the World Wide Web. Take from it what you will.
Grieving Sibling Loss 